Please not again
by Rainbowflower333
Summary: Daz Black (youtube artist) is visibly not feeling well at the dinner table. But what is it he wants to hide so desperatly from his wife that he locks himself inside the bathroom? And how will Kate react to his metal struggles, when she finds out? Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attacks


**Hey guys,**

**long time no see. Hope you all had a wounderful christmas!**

_Beforehand to this story:_

Some of you might not know Daz Black (Youtuber and leading character in this short story). But that's not really important, cause the message I want to convery here, is not about Daz. It's more about the mental struggles he suffered in his life, which I can identify with pretty much.  
Daz was more the decisive factor for this story to form inside my mind (about such a subject), when he was talking on camera about the panic attacks he used to have and the way he was feeling about having them. So it's a mixure of truth (about his real life) and a bit of awareness for this kind of metal struggles, I want to point out here.

**And now enjoy :)**

* * *

_Oh no, not again ..._  
Daz hid a pant, when he felt his heart starting to race. It was pounding so violently against the inside of his ribcage that Daz feared, it could break through any second.  
„You're okay babe?" Kate - sitting across from her husband, at the dinner table - slowly put her fork down on the plate.  
„Yeah, I'm fine." Daz bore down another pant, pushing his chair away from the table, while the first drops of sweat were appearing on his pale skin.  
„You're sweating. Are you not feeling good?", she noticed, about to get up as well.  
„No." Daz raised his slightly trembling hand, forcing a smile onto his face. „It's fine. I just need to use the bathroom."  
He pushed himself into a standing position, feeling his knees slightly wobble beneath him, while he was trying to control his breathing.

Sweat was running down his temples, when he finally reached the bathroom door. His hand was shaking, as he pressed down the handle, stumbling into the dark room.  
„Hahhh ...", Daz gasped, switching the light on, before he locked the door behind him.  
„God damn it ...", he cursed under laboured breaths, sliding down onto the tiled floor.  
With his back against the door, Daz ran a clammy hand through his sweaty, black hair, feeling his chest rise and fall irregularly.  
_Why? Why was this happening again?_  
A chocked breath escaped his lungs, when the well know feeling of heaviness on his ribcage set in, stealing his breath away.  
_I can't breathe. I can't breathe!_  
His breathing increased, while the tightness in his chest became stronger, giving Daz the feeling of dying, while he was pressing a hand against his hammering heart.  
_I'm dying..._  
Daz squinted his eyes, causing tears of fear to run down his face. Slow and agonizing he was ripped apart from the inside, feeling like his whole body was dispersing itself.  
_Please ... make it stop ..._  
With the loss of control over everything, Daz found himself falling. He was falling, deep and without anything to hold on to. His ears were ringing and his throat was dry, while the pressure on top of him was threatening to crush him beneath.  
Sweat was pouring down his neck, while Daz was desperately trying to fill his lungs with air.

After what felt like an eternity, Daz finally could feel the pressure easing. The tightness in his chest slowly ebbed away, allowing him to deepen his shallow, quick breaths.  
Exhausted he leaned back against the door, closing his eyes.  
„Babe?" The careful knock, caused Daz to flinch.  
The door handle was pushed down, but the door stayed locked.  
„Can you let me in?"  
He needed sometime, before he had caught his breath and was able to open the door.  
„Hey", Kate greeted him with a warm smile.  
„I just wanted to come back", Daz tried to hide his still shaky form from his wife, not meeting her eyes.  
„Wait." She calmly put her hand on his chest, feeling the soaked fabric beneath her fingers. „Let's sit down for a moment."

„Since when do you have them?", Kate asked after she had sat down against the bath tub with her husband.  
„Have what?", he pretended to not know what she was talking about.  
„These anxiety attacks", she answered calmly, while her hand was gently resting on his thigh.  
_God, this was so embarrassing ..._

„There's nothing to be ashamed of", Kate whispered after a moment of silence, in which Daz hadn't known what to say.  
He was quietly starring on his still trembling hands – down in his lap – trying to dodge her caring looks.  
„It's humiliating ...", Daz murmured almost inaudibly, before he coiled up against the tub.  
„Not in my eyes honey", Kate whispered, lovingly stroking threw her husband's sweaty, black hair. „You're not alone with this. I'm here for you."  
She gently ran a hand over Daz's back, when their eyes finally met.  
„You're totally soaked babe", Kate smiled sympathetically, grabbing her husband's hand. „Do you want to shower?"  
But Daz just shook his head, leaning it heavily against the tub behind him.  
„I'm too tired ...", he mumbled exhausted, closing his eye for a moment, when he felt some kind of burden falling off of shoulders.  
„Okay, let me help you out of this shirt then", Kate offered him her help, carefully pulling the wet clothing over his head.  
„Here", she handed Daz a towel to dry himself off. „I bring you a new one."  
She was about to leave, when Daz grabbed her by the wrist.  
„Thank you", he whispered meeting her eyes once more.  
„Not for that, honey", Kate smiled, bending over to press a lovingly kiss on her husband's forehead. „I'm here for you, when ever you need me."

* * *

**_Who ever is suffering from this ... you're not alone.  
There's nothing to be ashamed of, cause anxiety attacks are _****_never_****_ a sign of weakness. You are strong and nobody should ever tell you something else.  
You are perfect the way you are!_**

And now I wish you all a happy time with your families.  
Lots of love

Rainbowflower


End file.
